In a day I thought would never come, Mini-Me, Vern Troyer has a sex tape. Turns out a third party snatched the tape of Troyer and his former ex/live-in girlfriend. Midgets around the the world are probably celebrating like we just defeated the Nazis. I heard there was a ticker tape parade when this news was announced.
Troyer, is like the god to midgets everywhere. He just fulfilled every little guys fantasy. Hooking up with a Giant. .. but...
My thoughts... HOW DOES THIS EVEN WORK??! I mean Vern is a "little person" and his girlfriend at the time is ...of... normal size. This is like Jack hooking up with the Giant's wife from Jack and the Beanstock.
I'm not even gonna attempt to download any videos of this. I'd probably be grossed out and worried for his safety.
What if he falls in and gets trapped. I mean seriously... how big do you think his "mini me" is? She probably had to handle it with tweezers and a 50x zoom magnifying lens.
This might be one of the few moments where we can clearly say.. "dude, she faked it."
But this might be good PR for Troyer. He needs it. I heard he was pretty bummed when he didn't get the Tony Stark role in Iron Man. (The part went to Robert Downey Jr.) I so thought it was in the bag.
So now I can officially cross Troyer off the list of celebs who need sex tapes. The only people I have left is..
- Dakota Fanning
- Haley Joel Osmet
- The Pope
- Betty White
- Kermit the Frog
- Fluffy Clark
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