Reports have surfaced that the paparazzi reporter that was "assaulted" by a "group" of surfers known to be friends with Matthew McConaughey has file charges. He claims he was injured and his camera was thrown into the ocean when he tried to take photos of the hollywood star.
Best part is.. the surfers threatened the paparazzi by drawing a line on the sand and saying, "if you can beat us, you can have the beach." Then Frankie Avalon appeared with a pair of knives and fought off the cameramen.
Through my further investigation, I have discovered that McConaughey is actually the leader of this surfing gang in southern California. When not surfing(or making films) it turns out they dress up as former US Presidents and hold up banks. McConaughey, also known as "Bodhi" to his fellow made-men, has repeatedly denied he is part of a gang. But my dear friend, former Ohio State QB, FBI agent, Johnny Utah has stated that his investigation proves McConaughey's involvement.
By posting this, I'll probably be dead by torture later today. I'm sure McConaughey sent his henchmen to my home ready to tie me up, burn me with surf board wax and force me to listen to Jack Johnson tunes till my ears bleed. By midnight, I'll probably be sleeping with the sharks. Tell my wife (Megan Fox) that I love her.... and no sex EVER after I die... if it was up to me, she'd be coming with me... like a Viking funeral. Ah, those were the days.
- Fluffy Clark
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