Don't Ever Tell Bruce Willis to Shave His Beard

Here's a video clip of the movie, What Just Happened? which is based on the book by the same name by Art Linson.The movie, due out Oct. 3rd, is a Hollywood tell-all about movie stars and what it's like in the industry.

Ain't It Cool reveals..

The above video is an actual beard-shaving tantrum depicted in Linson's book - which went down on the set of Lee Tamahori's THE EDGE - is so much funnier. The particulars: Baldwin shows up to the set of THE EDGE sporting a full beard, which he deems appropriate for his character; the studio, already cheesed at shelling out $5 million for a non-bankable "star", flips and demands that he shave; Linson, facing the possibility of replacing Baldwin with the less physically intimidating Bill Pullman (hot off of ID4 at the time), girds for war and, roughly, the following blow-up occurs

Not to self.... never work with Alex Baldwin. He's the modern-day, male version of Joan Crawford (as told in the movie Mommy Dearest). I'm afraid that if he looks in my closet he'll see I ONLY have metal hangers. He'll scream in that Baldwin-esque rage... "NO METAL HANGERS EVER!!!" while beating my face to a bloody pulp.

- Fluffy Clark

Yes! Finally, Vern Troyer has a Sex Tape. Midgets Around the World Rejoice!

In a day I thought would never come, Mini-Me, Vern Troyer has a sex tape. Turns out a third party snatched the tape of Troyer and his former ex/live-in girlfriend. Midgets around the the world are probably celebrating like we just defeated the Nazis. I heard there was a ticker tape parade when this news was announced. 

Troyer, is like the god to midgets everywhere. He just fulfilled every little guys fantasy. Hooking up with a Giant. .. but...

My thoughts... HOW DOES THIS EVEN WORK??! I mean Vern is a "little person" and his girlfriend at the time is ...of...  normal size. This is like Jack hooking up with the Giant's wife from Jack and the Beanstock.  

I'm not even gonna attempt to download any videos of this. I'd probably be grossed out and worried for his safety.

What if he falls in and gets trapped. I mean seriously... how big do you think his "mini me" is? She probably had to handle it with tweezers and a 50x zoom magnifying lens. 

This might be one of the few moments where we can clearly say.. "dude, she faked it."

But this might be good PR for Troyer. He needs it. I heard he was pretty bummed when he didn't get the Tony Stark role in Iron Man. (The part went to Robert Downey Jr.) I so thought it was in the bag.

So now I can officially cross Troyer off the list of celebs who need sex tapes. The only people I have left is..

• Dakota Fanning
• Haley Joel Osmet
• The Pope
• Betty White
• Kermit the Frog

- Fluffy Clark

Shia Gets Some Shocking News

Here's Shia's reaction when he found out he's having Dutchess' baby. That's right, you read that correctly.. having Dutchess' baby. Like a guest on Jerry Springer, he denied it. 

Oh and here's his reaction after the call...

I think he looks totally psyched!

- Fluffy Clark

McConaughey Godfather of Surfing Gang

Reports have surfaced that the paparazzi reporter that was "assaulted" by a "group" of surfers known to be friends with Matthew McConaughey has file charges. He claims he was injured and his camera was thrown into the ocean when he tried to take photos of the hollywood star.

Best part is.. the surfers threatened the paparazzi by drawing a line on the sand and saying, "if you can beat us, you can have the beach." Then Frankie Avalon appeared with a pair of knives and fought off the cameramen.

Through my further investigation, I have discovered that McConaughey is actually the leader of this surfing gang in southern California. When not surfing(or making films) it turns out they dress up as former US Presidents and hold up banks. McConaughey, also known as "Bodhi" to his fellow made-men, has repeatedly denied he is part of a gang. But my dear friend, former Ohio State QB, FBI agent, Johnny Utah has stated that his investigation proves McConaughey's involvement.

By posting this, I'll probably be dead by torture later today. I'm sure McConaughey sent his henchmen to my home ready to tie me up, burn me with surf board wax and force me to listen to Jack Johnson tunes till my ears bleed. By midnight, I'll probably be sleeping with the sharks.  Tell my wife (Megan Fox) that I love her.... and no sex EVER after I die... if it was up to me, she'd be coming with me... like a Viking funeral. Ah, those were the days.

- Fluffy Clark

The Women of Sex and the City are Role Models

HBO's show, Sex and the City redefined the public's perception of the "modern woman." The women on the show were successful, independent, beautiful women who proved that their accomplishments were not based on looks alone. So much so that... (courtesy of Page Six)

Maybe seeing themselves on the big screen was too much to take for "Sex and the City" stars Cynthia Nixon and Kristin Davis. Apparently, soon after the movie's release, they both paid a visit to Roosevelt Hospital on 10th Avenue for minor surgeries. "Cynthia had a breast augmentation and soon after, Kristin had the varicose veins on her legs removed," said an insider. "They both made sure they did it on the quietest day of the week." It could explain why Davis always wears long hems. Nixon, whose rep denied the surgery, could have been disappointed with her topless scene. Davis' rep had no comment."

I'm hoping there's a sequel to the Sex and the City movie. Can you imagine? It'll take place 1 hour after the events of the first film and (spoiler here... DON'T READ AHEAD IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW)

Big dumps Carrie's ass after realizing... "shit, I'm f-ckin' money..... in 10 years, Carrie will look like a mummy and I'll age like a fine wine ready to pounce on some 21 year old model. I can't do this." This then leads to Carrie writing any article about "Cougars" and seeing if there is a sex life after the age of 65. I'm sure at this point Samantha would of gotten an STD (or even created a new strain of Herpes especially after all those dudes she got with. She'll be like medusa.. but not as pretty; if you look directly at her, you probably contracted something.) Charlotte will probably attempt to have a kid at age 55 and Miranda will probably end up gay after realizing how gross Steve is. I know what you're thinking.. and the answer is "no I don't watch the show. I'm usually too busy reading my issues of Maxim magazine at that time."

- Fluffy Clark

Mike Myers is Celebrity Royalty

Mike Myers was on the Conan O'Brien show earlier this week to promote his amazing, Oscar-worthy film, The Love Guru. Staffers on the show claimed he was a pain in the ass.

..he drove backstage staffers bonkers while he waited to go on. "He sent a team of interns on a wild goose chase for Silk nondairy creamer, Twizzlers and raspberry seltzer," said our witness. "Then he sent one of the interns back out to get him a new drink when he realized his seltzer was not the brand he requested."

OK, seriously?? What's the problem here people? This doesn't sound any different from the normal, average lifestyle Dutchess and I have everyday. At our job, we have the interns make us a Komono Dragon Egg Omelette EVERY morning. Sometimes, we ask them to fetch us OJ from Florida, light my cigarette with a lit $100 bill, or feed my steak to me like a momma bird. Dutchess will have them massage her corns or ask them to stand still while we toss garbage, wet cabbage and other degrading stuff in their face. Oh and they can't make direct eye contact with me and must always be on their hands and knees in my presence. Is that unreasonable? I don't think so. Geez people... get a life!!

- Fluffy Clark

Amy Winehouse is Quite the Looker

Amy Winehouse looks hot. She looks like she just got back from a long day of assembling B-29 World War II bombers. (that is soooo sexy) Rosie the Riveter (AKA Amy Winehouse) fainted in her home earlier this week and supposedly it has something to do with a chest infection and an irregular heartbeat. Pfft... whatever... I think it's those long days at the munitions factory while the men are fighting in the Pacific. Way to go Amy.. "You Can Do It!!"

- Fluffy Clark