Strike Three... You're OUT!

ABC News and several other major media outlets are currently recanting their story on the alleged authenticity of a “fake” video of a ball girl jumping several feet in the air to catch a ball at a Tacoma Rainiers-Fresno Grizzlies match up. Instead of reporting on the rising costs of gas, the government’s recent re-negotiations with North Korea, and Shia apparently becoming my baby’s daddy, these news outlets reported the “discovery” this forwarded film is a fake.

Not so says Jane Doe,* the star of the film.

“I always wanted to play professional baseball,” Doe says in a statement to the media. “They don’t let girls play, so the second best thing was to become a ball girl. I’ve worked really hard to get improve my endurance and agility. It’s really hard to have it all chocked up to a Gatorade commercial.”

Doe has asked for her identity to remain anonymous because she worries about the repercussions it will have. “People have been calling the news agencies to find out my name and location, just so they can recruit me.”

Doe’s parents also have concerns about the publicity. “She is only 13 years old. She still has a lot of growing to do. We don’t want her to turn out like Lindsay Lohan.”

Calls to Gatorade were not returned.

*Names have been changed for privacy protection.

~Dutchess Halfmoon