Ferris Bueller Cheated on Sarah Jessica Parker

So it turns out Matthew Broderick has been cheating on his wife, Sex and the City star, Sarah Jessica Parker, with a 25 year old girl. The Star reports...

Sources say the woman felt conflicted with her relationship with Matthew, whom she nicknamed "Matty Cakes." She tried to end it, say insiders, but that didn't happen and over the next month — when Sarah Jessica was filming Sex and the City: The Movie in Los Angeles — multiple eyewitnesses say they saw Matthew make late-night visits to the other woman's apartment building.

During one tryst, they arrived at her friend's apartment after a night of heavy drinking, says a source. She dragged Matthew into the friend's bedroom, then shut the door. "A half hour later, Matthew opened the bedroom door, mumbled 'Well... 'bye!' and walked out. The friend found her passed out on the bed in her panties."

Maybe now she can finally be with Big.. or Adan.

- Fluffy Clark

The Pope Mobile Inspired Stroller

The Bulletproof Stroller is perfect for anyone who thinks their child's life might be in danger. I'm not talking about diseases or illnesses but bullets, explosions, or suicide bombers. That's right.. you heard that correctly. You will feel safe knowing your child be inside 4 inches of bulletproof steel. Perfect for NFL players, NBA players, Hip-Hop Artists, Politicians, and couples with psycho exes.

Hell, I got it cause my child(John) is constantly under attacks from killer robots from the future. They seriously want us dead cause supposedly he'll be some great leader against an endless army of rebellious cyborgs in a near future global dystopia. 

- Fluffy Clark

Rumors and Tidbits

So this is the section of the page I like to call, "Rumors and Tidbits"... aka, Fluffy Clark is too lazy to write a full post about these people.

So here's the news around the celeb world.

PARIS TRIES TO INFECT CRISTIANO RONALDO

Turns out Paris Hilton has been trying to get with recently single international soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo. This ugly guy here. Fortunately, he was smart enough to turn her down. Good for him. Who knows what mutated strains of herpes Paris has by now. I mean isn't she dating or was dating Benji Madden from Good Charlotte? After sleeping with her, I heard that guy has 2 weeks to live. She's like the virus-carrying monkey from Outbreak, except nowhere even close to as hot as that thing is.

ANDY DICK IS A DICK....

The best actor in Hollywood, Andy Dick was recently arrested and charged with drunkeness and sexual battery. Dude, he tried (or did) pull down a 17 year old's bra. 

According to the AP..

Police were called to the Buffalo Wild Wings in Murrieta at about 1:13 a.m. to investigate a report of "an intoxicated male" urinating outside the bar and causing a disturbance, according to a police statement.
When they arrived, a 17-year-old girl told police that she was outside when Dick left the bar, walked up, "grabbed her tank top and bra and pulled them down and exposed her breasts," the statement said.
Dick was identified by the teenager and a witness, police said. Marijuana and the drug Xanax were found his pants pockets during a search and he appeared "extremely intoxicated," police said.

YOU'RE CAREER IS SO DONE HEIGL

Turns out Katherine Heigl's days on Grey's Anatomy are done. Her character might be killed off in the next season. (i'm praying for the meteor attack that takes her out. Oh or her falling down an elevator shalf... Or hell, OUTBREAK MONKEY!!)

US Weekly says..

The idea came after Heigl, 29, withdrew herself from Emmy contention, saying that she didn’t feel she was “given the material this season to warrant an Emmy nomination.”
In response to Heigl’s griping, staffers are considering giving her character, Dr. Izzie Stevens, a brain tumor.
“[Producer] Shonda [Rhimes] and the writers are pissed at her,” the source tells Us. “It’s their way of screwing with her. She won’t know whether she’s going to live or die.”

So if you want to keep your job Katherine, you're going to have to kiss some serious bootay. You should probably take some lessons from Dr. Drake Ramoray, who was the best damn TV doctor EVER till the writer's killed him off.

REGGIE BUSH TELLS KIM KARDASHIAN SHE NEEDS TO DROP SOME POUNDS

New Orleans Saint's running back, Reggie Bush apparently told his girlfriend, Kim "Baby Got Back" Kardashian that she needs to lose some poundage, or needs to lose some junk in the trunk, the badunkadunk. Word.

RAMPAGE JACKSON'S CLOAKING DEVICE FAILED

OK, first off, I don't even know who the f-ck Rampage Jackson is. I heard he was like a UFC (turns out that means Ultimate Fighting Champion and not Ultimate Fried Chicken...  which sounds incredibly better than KFC) champ. Yeah I wouldn't know, I like to watch Top Chef, drink my beer in a wine glass(not from a beer can holder on a hardhat), and own a car that's not a pickup truck.

Turns out Mr. Jackson hit some cars and tried to avoid the police. I heard that's illegal.

A Costa Mesa patrol officer attempted to pull Jackson over after he was seen weaving in and out of traffic with a flat front left tire, according to a release issued by the Costa Mesa Police Department. Jackson, 30, continued driving to avoid being stopped. Losing control of the truck, Jackson drove up onto a sidewalk. He continued on, colliding with a vehicle in an intersection and running several red lights.

Eventually, the truck came to a stop and Jackson, originally of Memphis, Tenn., was arrested without incident at gunpoint.

So the best part of this story was when I saw a picture of his car...

HAHAHA!! OK seriously guy. You have your name and face all over that thing and you really think a camouflaged painted car is really gonna help you evade the police. Here's some news... They can see you Rampage!! Camo only works when you are in a forest. Oh and they have your name, I'm sure you can figure out how.

- Fluffy Clark

I FINALLY FOUND WALDO!!

 

Image courtesy of Splash News

When my little cousins use to show me their Where's Waldo? books, I use to have the hardest time finding that bastard. It didn't help that I was color blind and I was too poor to afford glasses so my sight was limited to within 3 inches from my eyes.  I was like Mr. Magoo but 1/100 of his age and a hell of a lot more sexier. God those books were frustrating. But no longer.. ladies and gents, I finally found Waldo and he looks like that guy Kelly Osborne.

- Fluffy Clark

Megan Fox Wants to Do Art Films

OK, so I read this on TheSuperficial and I decided to share since it's friggin' hilarious. Here's what they wrote.. 

Megan Fox stated she wanted to do more art films. 

“I would love to do a movie naked – it would be beautiful. No one dares make that kind of film today. They did it in the 1930s in an arty way, so why not now?”

Um, I believe there's a word for "that kind of film." It's called porn. That said, Megan Fox should be allowed to follow her heart and live her dreams and whatever else needs to be said to get this thing done. What can I say? I support the arts.

Baby Wars 2008

"It's the most wonderful time.. of the year!!" You know what that means right? BABY WARS 2008!! (in deep cinematic trailer voice)

The baby business is seriously booming this year in hollywood and the thunder from down under, Nicole Kidman has kicked it off. Supposedly, Keith and Her don't approve of Brad and Angie selling their baby photos..

A friend of Kidman told the Sydney Morning Herald:

"They don't think it's appropriate to make deals. They are still deciding how they feel about - if and when they will release a photo at all. But they realise there is enormous interest from the public and they are grateful and appreciative of that," the source said.

So while Alba and Spears racked in about a measly million each... 

Insiders are speculating the (Jolie-Pitt)pics will go for between $15 million to $20 million. In fact, one photo-agency owner guesses that the only other thing that could possibly demand that much money is “Britney Spears giving birth to an alien.”

I wouldn't doubt that Britney would give birth to an alien sometime soon. Or maybe an illegal alien baby. I'm guessing those pics would go for a million also. A million pesos.

- Fluffy Clark

You Know You Are Too Rich When.... J-Lo Edition

This is when you know you made it in this world.

The actress apparently insists on dressing her five-month-old twins in new designer gear every day.
We're told: "Jennifer was approached by a charity and asked to donate some dresses for a celebrity auction. She agreed and donated a gorgeous £5,000 frock.

"She also offered some of Max and Emme's clothes, telling organisers that she never lets them 'repeat' outfits.
"But the auction deals only in adult clothes. Jennifer told them it was a shame, as some items cost over 1,000 dollars each."

Wow.. Holy Sweet Jesus!! Those kids are rolling big time. So lemme do the math here....  a new outfit everyday which cost a minimum of $1,000 each for 365 days equals... ELEVENTY BILLION DOLLARS a year. Their clothing budget probably rivals the GNP of some First World Countries. I don't see J-Lo getting up in the morning earning the dough so it must be Marc Anthony. That guy must be exhausted. He's probably doing singing gigs from 5am - 4am each day while making time to pick up some new outfits for the week for his kids. No wonder he always looks like a zombie. Christian Bale from The Machinist probably got more shut eye than Mr. J-Lo.

But wait, (going back to the repeat outfit thing) this ain't so crazy. I don't do repeat underwear. Sure, I don't change underwear everyday (I usually wear it for a six month stint) but I NEVER "repeat" with that same pair. In a matter of weeks, it gets all tattered and damp and I start to look like I'm wearing caveman undies. Sometimes, when I take the ladies home, they ask, "why do you always wear black underwear?" I say, "i don't babe, it was white."

- Fluffy Clark

Suzanne Somers Needs Work... and Attention

http://view.break.com/536871 - Watch more free videos

Yikes!! I think Suzanne just showed her octopuswa to all of America. Years of therapy can't correct this. I'm probably gonna start dating guys now... This is more traumatic than the time I saw Bob Saget's stand-up comedy skit.

- Fluffy Clark

Stepford Wives Wasn't Fiction

Remember when Nicole Kidman looked like a real human being?


Now she looks like this monster..


See I thought the Stepford Wives was a smart, entertaining comedy. Now I'm starting to think it was an autobiography about Nicole Kidman's life. I thought the point of cosmetic surgery is to make it less obvious and invisible. Well.. Mr. Surgeon (or Miss).. you failed miserably. Maybe she is a robot?

Oh and I heard she gave birth is a new robot.. I mean baby. The baby is going to get collagen injections on Monday. Go baby!!

- Fluffy Clark

Ranae Shrider Breaks the Silence and Talks About Sex With a Hobbit.. I Mean Midget

Oh my god.. I seriously can't write anything that can be funnier than this interview Ranae Shrider(the girl who made a sex tape with Mini-Me) had with News of the World. (my comments in red)

On sex in general with a midget:
"So I'd lie on the bed and Verne would crawl up my legs to have sex with me. And as he did it his feet would be tickling my knees! It wasn't quite as passionate as sex with a normal-sized man but he did his best. He didn't wear a condom. There was no point, they're all too big. On the whole though, he wasn't short of sexy skills and tried his hardest to make up in technique what he lacked in size." Wow, he didn't use a condom? He should of bought those rubber kitchen gloves and cut off the pinky finger. That probably would of helped. 

On their first time and the Mini-Me's magical rebound skills:
"I had no complaints. But the whole thing was over in three minutes. It was strange having sex with someone who couldn't reach to kiss me at the same time, except for my tummy that is! I was so relieved it was over. But minutes later Verne was ready to go again. That night we made love three times in 20 minutes, which most bigger men only dream about doing." I recommend she get a tattoo of her face on her stomach so Mini-Me can have the effect of kissing her during sex. And 3 minutes.. wow that's like 2 min and 50 sec more than the average guy.

On why midget's prefer sex on dry land:
"I thought it would be fun to do it in the tub," she said. "Sadly I almost killed him. While Verne was watching TV I ran the bath, emptied a bottle of bubbles in it and called him in. But the bubbles were so thick and high that once he climbed in he got lost under the water and I couldn't see him." HAHAHAHA.. oh my god.. I'm crying over here...  That's like a kid first entering the grown up  pool. 

- Fluffy Clark

Don't Ever Tell Bruce Willis to Shave His Beard

Here's a video clip of the movie, What Just Happened? which is based on the book by the same name by Art Linson.The movie, due out Oct. 3rd, is a Hollywood tell-all about movie stars and what it's like in the industry.

Ain't It Cool reveals..

The above video is an actual beard-shaving tantrum depicted in Linson's book - which went down on the set of Lee Tamahori's THE EDGE - is so much funnier. The particulars: Baldwin shows up to the set of THE EDGE sporting a full beard, which he deems appropriate for his character; the studio, already cheesed at shelling out $5 million for a non-bankable "star", flips and demands that he shave; Linson, facing the possibility of replacing Baldwin with the less physically intimidating Bill Pullman (hot off of ID4 at the time), girds for war and, roughly, the following blow-up occurs

Not to self.... never work with Alex Baldwin. He's the modern-day, male version of Joan Crawford (as told in the movie Mommy Dearest). I'm afraid that if he looks in my closet he'll see I ONLY have metal hangers. He'll scream in that Baldwin-esque rage... "NO METAL HANGERS EVER!!!" while beating my face to a bloody pulp.

- Fluffy Clark

Michael Bay's "Dark Knight" Rejected Script

What if Michael Bay wrote The Dark Knight? Check this out. The only thing this script needs is a slo-mo shot of a coffee mug breaking on the floor while showing someone's head down in disappointment.

This makes me think... what if Quentin Tarantino wrote the script to The Dark Knight. (hmm, that's an idea....) Or what if Michael Gondry directed a Batman film? Or Tim Burton.. oh wait he did do one(two) films.

- Fluffy Clark

A Glimpse of the Pit-Jolie Family 2 Years From Now

With news of Angelina Jolie ready to pop 2 kids out of her belly, I can't help but think what this family is going to look like 2 years from now. She's having children like she's trying to collect Pokemon. It really wouldn't surprise me if she started naming them Charazar, or Pikachu, or Gigglipuff. Hell, she's having so many damn kids, the world is running out of names. So many, that she needs a small planet just to house them.

The census 10 years from now will reveal that 1/4 of the world's population is a member of the Pitt-Jolie tribe.